I've always been the absolute worst at saying goodbye. Even if I know for a fact that it's just for a brief moment. I've always hated it. So just know, I write this with tears in my eyes. To avoid being weird on video and make you all uncomfortable with the pains of sitting through me being a cry baby, I have chosen to end my last blog with text instead of a Vlog as I did for blog post #7. For me, this is extremely emotional because I’ve never been so honored to learn with such an amazing group of people. When you think of it, is four months really enough time to feel such a strong connection to people? I’m honestly moved and I don’t know if it has anything to do with how open we have been with one another or the fact that all of our papers have been graded with rose petals. Whatever it was, I care about you guys deeply and could never forget this experience. Below I am going to talk about my growth as a writer. I honestly don’t even know where to start because I have learned so much in such a short period of time. I believe with consistency, we as human beings are capable of the unthinkable and evolution is never ending. My writing has evolved drastically and will continue to evolve because of the positive inspiration I received. Also, the loads of knowledge I experienced throughout the course makes me want to keep growing as a writer. I have learned how to write in different genres, such as narratives, found poems, memories, creative non fictions, op-eds ( which I'm still working on) and even blogging. I have read pieces of literature that I would have probably never picked up on my own from great journalist and writers including James Paul Gee, Don Murray and even Ernest Hemingway. I have watched eye opening films such as, The mask you live in and Miss representation that will forever change how I view both Males and females in America. I have had the word Discourse community drilled in my head so much, I now think of that first when I see a group of people together. Whether they are running together or even wearing the same uniform, I always wonder how they act inside of their Discourse Community. I’m going to forever keep with me my learned knowledge of the 5 modes of writing. Which are.. (Without looking, by the way) Visual, gestural, Aural, linguistic, and spatial! I’m also never going to forget about SPA. Don’t really know when I’ll use it. Maybe when I argue with a fake philosopher but I’ll forever know that Socrates taught Plato who taught Aristotle. I feel I’ve grown so much as a writer. I still have such a long way to go but my confidence level has definitely gone up a few notches. I’m not afraid to see my words escape my mind anymore. Most of the times, I still don’t make 100% sense when I read my work but I’m okay with knowing that it's never final until I say so. I also would have never applied the concept that something written down is better than nothing because something can always be edited. That has been such a big help to me because I've never like the idea of rambling on paper. Oh but now, I ramble and ramble. It's easier starting this way, rather than trying to be perfect in the beginning. I’ve learned that getting it wrong the first time is not the end. I also believe that I’m more open to people critiquing my work, thanks to blogging and sharing with my discourse community. I almost want critical feedback so i can improve. Before i came to this class, I would have fainted if someone read my work and said that i needed to change my ending. That’s growth! I’ve learned all of this and way more in just a measly four months. Imagine how much greater we would be if we had more time with Sabatino! Real literary weapons! That’s why the literary party can’t stop here and for me it won't! I’m going to keep composing and making meaning!!
2 Comments
I started my research project and although it’s not where I want it to be, I feel a since of gratification on what I actually gained from the research experience.
My research project has been an experience. I didn’t know what direction to take so I had a slow start. When I finally found a topic I was interested in, I jumped right in knowing my time was limited. I felt I was trying to make a connection from my topic to the film Miss Representation so bad that I lost sight on what I actually wanted to prove. Which was: How a one week detox would impact my emotional well-being. I was fishing for a connection so bad and trying to find a rhythm that I didn’t notice how I started to immerse myself into a completely different paper. The paper would still be a good one to complete but it wasn’t the goal I was trying to achieve in completing my research. The paper that I spent most of my time on was me backing the reasons why social media hinders people from living life to the fullest. Going into detail with all of my “because” reasons. For example: Social media hinders people from living life to its fullest because it’s a waste of time and productivity. This statement was really accurate because its one of the many ways social media hinders me but I needed to get back on topic. Once I regained my focus and found my way back, I was able to complete my original idea. During this time of my decision, I was already two days into my study and knew I had to complete it. I also wasn’t missing out on a perfect opportunity to share how my experience affected me and if it was successful or a complete waste of time. I wrote daily journal entries and took recorded picture data from my phone to prove that I completed my research. Today was the last day of my week detox from social media and I have to say, I feel great. Number one, I am proud that I completed something I was initially indecisive about. Number two, I’m happy that I proved myself correct. A social media detox did impact my emotional well-being, in a good way. I found so much peace and focus during this project. My research paper gives more details on my experiment. When I first heard My classmates and I would have to construct a research project I thought, "Great, I'll just pick an easy topic that I care about and get to it." I was wrong. My classmates and I had to watch two documentaries that touched on very real topics that Americans need to address and fix. Based off of those films, we then were told to create a research topic that could be argued resulting in composing a research paper. There were so many doors to enter, so many harsh realities to explore. Trying to pick one over the other was extremely hard for me. Picking a gender and a topic that I was interested in and one that I felt I could get enough research out of was hard. Every topic I settled on, I ran into a snag. I was either really interested in the topic and didn't think I could get enough research out of it, or I found topics I really agreed with but they conflicted with the way I actually live.
Finally, seeing myself as a contributing problem in America and also greatly affected by the new world and lifestyle of technology , I decided to evaluate myself. Leading me to the decision of basing my paper on: How a one-week social media detox can impact my emotional well being. This topic seemed like a real two for one. I get to invest in my research and better my life at the same time. I will be talking about how having 24/7 access to social media plays a major role in my life. Viewing my phones diagnostic of wasted time spent invested in other peoples lives. The negative effects it has on young women including myself. An overview of my detox experience and my take away once I am complete. It seems pretty simple but already I have learned, it is not. My brain is programmed to pick up my phone and touch the Instagram application whether i picked my phone up for that reason or not. I have already uninstalled the application and have picked up my phone a dozen of times while being occupied. Putting my pen down after every sentence to check my phone, picking it up every time I get a notification using that as a gateway to get on social media. Only it isn't there anymore. I'm hoping this detox will begin a kick start of proper living for myself. I hope i will regain more focus resulting in less time wasted. As well as, proving to myself that I am just enough and I don't need everything I see online in fake life. During this weeks class, my classmates and I were given two pages of random excerpts from the documentaries we’ve been discussing. One being a documentary about the struggles of most young boys and men in America called The mask you live in and the other on the way women are portrayed through the media in America called Miss Representation. We were then told to select just one quote from each film and then to draw each of those quotes a supporting picture.
I selected excerpts 14:11 and 14:13 from the mask you live in: “Things that a child spends their time on, that’s what they’re going to be good at” Showing a young boy playing a violent video game listening to obscene music. Suggesting that if a child engages in violent activities they are more likely to go out into The world and inflict this same violence they once glorified onto others. And excerpts 1:55 and 1:59 from Miss representation: “So, matter what else a woman does, no matter what else her achievements, their value still depends on how they look.” This picture shows successful woman such as a Dr, Teacher, and even an Astronaut looking into a glam mirror to make sure they are well put together, wearing high heels because they still have to be beautiful no matter how smart they have proved themselves to be. Upon finishing, we were instructed to post our pictures on the white board so that we could all view one another’s work while listening to Mozart (how cool) during our fine art exhibition we got to see how we all picked equally important selections. Ranging in eye opening points of views. Though they were all different and not one person picked the same excerpt, they all had very political points and statements. This was a very enlightening class. We as Americans hurt our men by making them disconnect from their emotions at a young age in order to uphold a social image. Expecting them to harbor and suppress the very same human feelings we allow women to openly express. Later in life causing many men to explode from pain and act out in some form of violence whether it’s to themselves or others. The documentary The mask you live in, backs this argument. Honestly, this film made me cry like 3 times. I’m happy I didn’t watch in class. It made me feel concerned because the words these men speak and the statistics shown are our reality. To see that woman have to pick through emotionally unstable men to find a good companion is terrifying. I feel protective because I have a son and I don’t want him to experience this lifestyle. I want him to be free. On the flip side, I feel extremely guilty because I too am a slight member in preparing my son for society. Telling him things like you’re okay; shake it off, when he falls. Or when he has a conflict at school, I first ask him if he told the teacher? When he replies no, I ask him: Did you at least hit him back so he knows not to mess with you again. It’s terrible because I’m not a violent person but I expect him to defend himself when I can’t be there to do it for him.
This argument makes me think our boys are doomed. Unless we ALL start to teach boys to be themselves throughout life and that it’s okay to express how they feel as we do girls. It’s explained perfectly what the issue are and many ways to correct them but are we really going to listen? I think not. I think moving forward we won’t be as hard on boys but there is still an image to uphold as a “Man”. The word Man in American culture signifies so many strong qualities such as, being the protector, being physically strong so that no one can push you around, and being brave and never letting someone see how you truly feel in order to not appear week. I believe that not until we start seeing images of more men being emotional while still being respected, things will never change. As a woman, the argument in this film makes me want to change the standard in which I view men. I honestly can’t imagine not crying or being emotional when that’s the way I truly feel. I couldn’t live in an untrue life of not wearing my heart on my sleeve, as we expect our men to do. They too should be allowed to be human. It’s almost as if we want men to be heartless machines but then when they act out and do heartless things because they’re so disconnected from emotions, were all clutching our pearls pointing the finger. Never once taking responsibility for our expectations to begin with. The Media plays a large part in the way woman are perceived. Teaching the world that women's looks are most important instead of her education or acomplishments. This makes it hard for woman to fight against being looked at as a sexual object and therefore are constantly chasing perfection. This argument in the film Miss Representation can be easily be up for debate but I agree with it 100 percent. The worldwide perception of women makes me feel angry and ashamed. I feel it’s completely unfair to expect someone to physically look a certain way when we as humans have no control over the attributes we are given at birth. It pisses me off even more that woman are adhering to these fake beauty guidelines when no one rarely cares or speaks on how a man should look. I’m ashamed because as a woman, I aide this terrible movement just to fit into society standards. I’m always worried about how I look in order to fit the part, making sure to look nice and put together even when I feel like shit. Always making a mental note to not be “busted” in order to keep my “beauty privilege” as well as being perceived in a good way because after all, Grand-momma always said nobody likes an unkept woman. When really, my voice and actions should be enough.
This argument makes me think that it’s something wrong with the female species. I’m confused as to why we are fighting so hard to be equals when woman have proven time after time that we are just as smart and good as men. Woman in America outnumber the Men so why don’t woman rise up TOGETHER and change the game for the better, once and for all? Just as fast as I thought of that question, I already have the answers as stated in the film. It’s because we have already been brainwashed into thinking of ourselves as objects first. The argument proves this stating how woman are still to this day being brainwashed through the media. Being the reason why women try to out pretty one another, why women fight over men and work full days and go home and play 1950’s housewife as if it’s a breeze. It’s sad. It makes me want to change myself in order to be a better role model for my daughter. Although I teach her to love her image in her natural state and applaud her smartness and her voice, I noticed that I still am a secret victim of the worlds standards. I want to expose the media and shine light on normalcy in body type as well as highlight female brilliance and achievements. It would be awesome to share how great woman are and to have woman see and support one another, rather than tearing each other down. Home Page Well-Being Assessment: Sustaining
How Assessment: About Page Well-Being Assessment: Suffering
How Assessment: I will commit to update this page by Wednesday March 27th Contact Page Well-Being Assessment: Suffering
How Assessment: I will commit to update this page Wednesday March 27th Narrative Project Page Well-Being Assessment: Suffering
How Assessment: I will commit to fix it and submit my second draft March 26th by 11:59 pm Research Project Well-Being Assessment: Suffering
Why Assessment Summary: I haven’t looked at this page yet How Assessment: I will commit to to updating this page by Sunday March 31st by 11:59 pm Blog Page Well-Being Assessment:Sustaining
How Assessment: I will commit to complete and fix this page by April 1st 11:59pm Have you ever been apart of something but never given thought to the fact that you self consciously conform and adjust to belong? I’ve noticed this in my English 100 course, my secondary discourse community. Inside of this community we have a list of values and goals on how we should act to achieve these goals. We’ve read work by James Paul Gee to get a better understanding of what it means to be a part of a discourse community. We’ve also read very relate-able Poetry by Pablo Neruda. Overall, we are evaluating ourselves to identify our true author identities. Below are my thoughts so far on the Discourse Community I belong to. Our discourse community is so cool. Although it’s been a chore for me to properly keep up due to life, procrastination, and bad time management, this community amazes me. I’m impressed at how we all are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT in every race, shape, personality, and mindset. Yet, still have the common goal of furthering ourselves in life through education. We support one another’s thoughts and encourage each other’s processes by provide brief therapy to one another and constantly showing genuine love without necessary loving each other. Connecting and Relating while coming together from different parts of the world with different upbringings, still able to successfully function is exactly what makes this discourse community so cool.
Naturally being in this secondary discourse community, we are expected to behave in a particular way. Being attentive and giving feedback are just two ways. This seems to happen very organically and It’s thanks to our professor and the layout of the course. In our discourse community, our number one goal is to make meaning and to find our Author Identity. I believe our professor is strategically helping us achieve this by simply wanting us to “cultivate joy in writing and learning”. By simply wanting just this, I believe he makes us very comfortable to produce literature without being judged. I’ve taken English courses before and it’s amazing how honest I am in this community. How much more I get onto a page just knowing I can be free versus my work getting chewed up line by line. It’s so weird that in our discourse community, for me, this is the first time that my community is allowed to be apart of my work by having a public blog. It lets my community be a part of me finding my author Identity and I them. Rather than being in a Discourse community with my classmates while also inside of a secret discourse community with the professor. I’m very appreciative of belonging to this Discourse community and I can’t wait to see how this course will affect the way I start to speak, the things I start to do, and who I become as an author! |
Tiffany swanI will use this blog to express my thoughts, creativity, and lust for life through literature. Archives
May 2019
Categories |